Category Archives: the internets

Elitists

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I’ve been using Yelp since 2008, but had never heard of the Elite Squad before this year when I saw the “2013 Elite” badge pop up on a friend’s profile. I signed up to join immediately – not because I wanted to attend parties and get free stuff (though those are fantastic perks), but because I wanted that little badge. Being among the Yelp Elite means your reviews are considered more credible, and people are more likely to interact with you through the site.

And we all know how much I love making friends online.

So a few weeks ago, Leela and I went to our first ever Elite event. It was drinks and hors d’oeuvres at the headquarters for Rover.com, a website that matches you with pet sitting services. I was excited to check out their HQ and hear more about the company, especially because Dan and I don’t have our go-to boarding place for the dogs now that we’re no longer in California.

Rover is a godsend. They screen all their sitters extensively, require constant communication between the sitter and their office as well as the sitter and the owner during the stay, and have pet owners submit reviews once the stay is over. And with Dan and I planning a trip back to California over Thanksgiving (!!), we’re going to need trustworthy, reasonably priced care for our furbabies.

But back to the party! Leela and I had a blast. We participated in a kissing contest (where your dog had to kiss you consistently for five seconds), and actually made it to the final round, but eventually lost to an adorable corgi puppy who REALLY liked the way her mom’s chin tasted. Leela made up for it in the photo booth, though:

In fact, another couple thought that she was so good at taking pictures, they asked to take a picture with her, since they didn’t have a dog of their own with them. Of course, Leela and I obliged, and got what is possibly the most awesome picture ever out of it:

We ended the evening with some Frosty Paws ice cream (which is made specifically for dogs). Suffice it to say, Leela was in HEAVEN.

Thanks to Yelp and Rover for an awesome evening! And for any of you looking for pet sitters to take care of your dogs (or cats!), check out Rover.com!

Because I am literally incapacitated at the office.

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The internet is down at my office – apparently some kind of wiring issue, which I anticipate is due to the fire alarm system updates going on next door. (One probably has nothing to do with the other, but I need to blame someone.)

You don’t realize how much you rely on the internet until you’re not able to use it. “Internet’s down? Guess I’ll just check my email.” Nice try. “Internet’s down? Guess I’ll just check my voicemail.” Not on your VOIP phone, you won’t. “Internet’s down? Guess I’ll just work on that poster of student pictures.” Except that requires access to a student information system, which requires … the internet.

It blows my mind to think that people ever worked without the internet, without networked EVERYTHING. Every time I watch Mad Men, Peggy is talking about how busy she is, and I’m just like, “What are you doing, REALLY? Sitting around, writing things on paper? All day, every day? Did people really ever get paid to do that?”

But they did, as recently as fifteen years ago. You came to work, and maybe the internet was a tool you used to help facilitate your projects, but certainly not something that was required to be productive.

My, how times have changed.

You know what else is already in use? Your mom’s face.

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I’ve been in a battle with Twitter since 2009, trying to get my original username (@toratoratori) back. I’ve sent them numerous emails and have been told each and every time that there’s nothing they can do. BUT I DON’T BELIEVE THEM.

Yesterday, Colin Hanks (son of Tom, love of my life) requested that Twitter release the inactive @colinhanks username so he could switch to that from @colin_hanks. Twitter has a strict policy (according to their support site) that requesting the release of a username is eligible only if a) you’re being impersonated or b) you have a copyright on that name. Neither was the case here, but they still released the name for Mr. Hanks and now he’s all happy and dandy without his underscore.

I want to be happy and dandy, too. So I sent them another email.

Hi there,

In 2009, I joined Twitter using the username “toratoratori.” After a few months I deleted my account due to a privacy violation by someone in my off-line life. When I tried to reactivate my account several months later, I was told that my original username was no longer available and I would need to choose another. I chose “toratoratorta,” but was assured by Twitter that they were working on making deleted names available and that once released, I would be able to re-adopt my original username (toratoratori).

I tried over the next few months to track the availability of “toratoratori,” but was met with the “already in use” error each time. Finally, I went to the “toratoratori” user page, and found that not only had my old username been released, but it had been registered by someone else.

This person registered their account in April 2010 and has not used it since then. I’ve tried contacting them several times, both via direct message and via tweet, and have not received a response.

I’ve also contacted Twitter’s support team about this issue previously, and was told that inactive accounts are deleted automatically and that the support team has no control over account deletion and the release of usernames. However, yesterday I saw a celebrity request an inactive account deletion so he could have the username he wanted (@colin_hanks to @colinhanks), and by this morning, the change had been made. So this leads me to believe that the support team has quite a bit more control over the process than they’ve let on.

I am again respectfully requesting that you suspend what is obviously an inactive account so that I can have access to my original username.

With love,
Tori

I then got their automated response email that basically says “HERE ARE OUR FAQS! IF THESE DON’T ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS, PLEASE RESPOND SO WE CAN GET TO WORK!”

Let me ask you something. I know a lot of dumb people use the internet, but if my question had been answered by the FAQs (which, for the record, their support links all navigate to – you literally have to Google “Twitter Contact Support Form” to find a way to contact them directly), why would I be emailing them?

They think I’m an idiot, you guys.

Well, I’m not (by most standards, anyway). And they’re not fooling me anymore with this “we have no control” nonsense. I’m getting that username back.

#photoadayjune, Part Deux

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I’m finally finished with the #photoadayjune slideshow. Voila!

 

I think the last photo I took (“Day 30: A Friend”) is my favorite. The original caption was “A friend to technology,” and was a joke about my dad finally coming into the twenty-first century and buying an iPhone. (He’s been using a flip phone for the last six years. Prior to that, he didn’t use a cell phone AT ALL. Can you imagine??)

Anyway, he just discovered FaceTime yesterday. So here’s a hilarious picture of him not knowing how to use it.

Responses to Spam: Nancy Full of Love

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Subject: Nice to know you

Hello dear!

My name is Nancy 23 yrs old single never married have no kid. I come across your contact in search for someone to be my best friend with hope to lead to something serious. I have free sensual mind full of love I am interested in making friends as I believe it is the richness of life, I will like a long term friendship with you because I derived interest communication with different people and lean new things. I believe friendship brings favor, friendship brings unity and friendship means treasure. So let’s see if we have the same taught and feelings. Contact my email address nancyphilemon02@yahoo.com Thanks and take care.

Nancy

 

Hi Nancy,

I was so pleased to receive your email this morning. I, too, am looking for a best friend. I found that after my last best friend died (of natural causes, I assure you) that I have been unable to find someone to fill her shoes. (She wore a size eleven, which is quite a bit larger than average for most women.)

I do have a few questions, though. I’m concerned about your wanting our friendship to “lead to something serious.” Can you clarify what you mean by that? I’m not at all looking for a serious friendship. In fact, I think that the seriousness of my last best friendship may have been the cause of its end (aside from my best friend’s death, I mean). You see, my late best friend did not love to laugh as much as I did, and found no humor in my jokes. This is what led to my smothering her in her sleep one night. (But I assure you, again, her death was not my fault – she simply stopped breathing!)

I’m also concerned that you’re a little young to be my best friend. This is not to say that I don’t have friends who are younger than me – certainly I do! – but I worry that with such a large age gap, we may not have much in common. For example, you say you are “single never married have no kid.” But what are your goals? I’m interested in finding a best friend with whom I can travel the world, but I worry that your being single might result in your sleeping with every handsome man (or woman – I wouldn’t want to assume!) we meet. While I applaud your “free sensual mind full of love,” I am concerned that your constant need for romantic attention may tarnish what is intended to be our bonding time as new best friends.

Please do reply if you still think we may be a good match. I also believe that a best friendship is “the richness of life,” as you say, and look forward to exploring the world of unity and treasure with you.

Best wishes,
Tori

This basically made my week.

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I was minding my own business on Tuesday night, sleeping like the good American I am, when into my head popped a dream that befuddled me.

I finished The Marriage Plot about a week ago. The book is about a young woman, Madeleine, who is entrapped in a love triangle with her troubled boyfriend, Leonard, and a long-lost friend, Mitchell, whose plans to travel the world after college are centered on forgetting that Madeleine ever existed.

The book is beautifully written, with well-developed, daringly human characters and a plot with enough twists and turns to keep the reader interested in a story that is, essentially, about the banality of upper middle class existence. It’s one of those books that is just begging to be made into a movie. And that, apparently, is where my brain comes in.

Rich Sommer, for those who don’t know, plays Harry Crane on Mad Men. He’s phenomenally adorable in that role (even in his less likeable scenes), but in a role as Madeleine? I’m not sure about that. (Though I’d love to see him in drag.)

The craziest thing, though, was not that I dreamed he was playing Madeleine (though that was pretty nuts), but that he responded to my tweet. I never anticipate that celebrities are going to respond to my tweets, especially when it’s about inane bullcrap like “OMG I HAD A DREAM YOU WERE SO-AND-SO.”

But shit, if he’s willing to make that movie, can I at least get some credit for casting?