Dan and I have an agreement that we’re holding off on spawning offspring for at least a few more years, but in the meantime, I needed to get a fix for my baby fever. So on Sunday, we headed to Dan’s parents’ house in Turlock to celebrate with his family and help Baby Braeden celebrate his first Christmas.
We beat Jenn and Anthony there, which means I had to wait a full TWENTY MINUTES for Operation: Baby Fix to commence. But when they finally arrived, I snuggled that baby endlessly. And then I made Dan do the same.
YOU GUYS, LOOK HOW CUTE.
Christmas with Dan’s family is always fun. There are shit tons of presents (except I’m not allowed to say “shit”), crap tons of honeybaked ham (except I’m not allowed to say “crap”), and bucket loads of pie (“bucket” is an acceptable word).
I got all kinds of fun stuff, like a new mini-umbrella:
New scarves, which I desperately needed since all of mine are in storage in Merced, and it’s COLD here:
And, of course, the much anticipated Kindle:
I could have killed Dan when I opened my present to find a Kindle. I mean, REALLY. Two weeks ago, I called him on my way home from work, and this is the exact conversation we had:
Dan: Do you want a Kindle for Christmas? Because you’ve mentioned it, like, five times this week.
Me: I don’t know.
I said “I don’t know” because I really didn’t know. Would a Kindle make my life easier because I wouldn’t be carrying around a five-hundred-page paperback in my purse all day? Absolutely. But would I miss the smell and texture of books? Would I miss being able to highlight passages, dog-ear the pages, and break the spines? Absolutely.
So you can see how I believed him when he told me, every day for the last two weeks, that he hadn’t bought me a Kindle. He used this conversation as an excuse: “‘I don’t know’ means ‘no’ with you.” Fine, husband. Fair enough.
I spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what my present could be if it wasn’t a Kindle. Maybe jewelry? But why would Dan spend money on diamonds when he could buy me something useful, like a genetic test for Nixon? Or a pink leash to match the pink collar that I bought for Leela that Dan totally hates?
(Why is it that all of my other dream gifts revolve around my pets?)
But it turns out that a Kindle actually is what I wanted. And I’m lucky enough to have a husband who can read my mind. Or at least decipher my vague answers to his fairly direct questions.
Dan also enjoyed my gift to him, which was, against my better judgment, a Joe Montana jersey.
(Those of you who have heard my Joe Montana camping story will understand the “against my better judgment” comment. Dan has heard the story multiple times. It does not negate the fact that he loved his Chrismukah present.)
But the best part of Christmas was when Braeden and I opened our presents to find the same gifts. Except Dan and I bought him a 49ers teddy, and his parents bought me a Giants teddy:
Great minds think alike, I guess.
I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas had a fabulous one, and that you got all the gifts you wanted! And I hope that you were maybe even allowed to curse in front of your in-laws, because if so, I want to live vicariously through you. Shit fuck damn, I wish I could do that.