This post was inspired by this cartoon, which I found today on Facebook:
I am at a loss. I think I haven’t been writing very much because lately, I just feel like I am without words. The utter insanity that goes on in this world is beyond my comprehension. I just don’t know what to make of it.
Dan and I had a fight last week that lasted for what seemed like forever. All of our fights are generally sparked by the day-to-day goings-on of our marriage, but, like all fights, they seem to have a basis in bigger issues. For us, the big issue is abortion.
It seems irrational, right? To fight about something with your partner that has no bearing on your relationship? But the voices against women’s rights have grown so loud lately that it’s hard not to let them seep into your brain, and into your daily life. It also doesn’t help that Dan and I have drastically different views on the subject.
Dan truly believes that abortion is murder. He believes that life begins at conception and that the only instance where abortion could even be considered is in an instance where the mother’s life is being immediately threatened by continuing the pregnancy. He believes that abortion should be neither legalized nor banned on a national level, and should be left to the states to decide. However, my understanding of his personal opinion (and correct me if I’m wrong, Dan, because I know you’re reading this) is that abortion should be illegal.
My opinion has a significant gray area. I believe life begins somewhere around month six of a woman’s pregnancy, when the fetus / baby (depending on your terminology of choice) is viable outside the womb, with or without medical assistance. I would probably never have an abortion anyway (especially now that I’m married and could feasibly raise a child), but as far as I’m concerned, any time after viability is off-limits.
For me.
And that’s where we differ.
My opinion is just that – my opinion. I still believe that abortion should be safe and legal and a viable option for anyone who wants one. And if that means three weeks or twelve weeks or twenty-eight weeks into a woman’s pregnancy, that’s her choice, not mine. As uncomfortable as it may make me, it is not my body, and it is not my future, and it is not my decision.
Dan and I got into it a few weeks ago, after he pulled the “adoption is an option” card and I argued that pregnancy is difficult enough, and then you’re going to make that woman give her child away? His response annoyed me beyond anything else he could have possibly said. He told me that pregnancy was just as hard for men, because they have to be the providers of foot rubs and pickles and deal with all the womanly crazies that go on for nine months (all of which, I might add, could have been avoided had you given this woman the option to terminate).
Oh, yes. Very difficult.
But rather than laughing at him outright, which is what I wanted to do, I made a point he couldn’t – or at least didn’t – match.
“Even if pregnancy is as hard for men as it is for women,” I said (hopefully without giving away how ridiculous I thought that statement was), “You have a choice to be there. You choose to stay with your partner, you choose to support her through that pregnancy, and you choose to be there for that child once it’s born. All women are asking for is the same choice.”
All women are asking for is the same choice. The same choice that men have, to have a family at twenty-one or to wait until they’re older. To deal with pregnancy and childbirth by accident or to actively plan for it and want it. To potentially be settled in their careers and committed to a partner they love before they bring a child into this world. All women are asking for are the same rights that men have now, and have always enjoyed.
All we want is equality.
Couldn't agree more.
I am so right there. And that comic really speaks to me right now as well, because all of these issues in the news about women's rights being eroded by absurd laws is making me feel like I'm going nuts. I care about it and I want to be in the loop of what is happening in our world, especially if it ends up affecting me directly, but it's just making me go insane. It hurts too much. There's too much drama. There's too much injustice and feeling like the people with the brains can't do anything to stop the unfair lawmakers from taking our rights away. It's just too painful sometimes.
I agree with you on the abortion thing. It is not something I would like to have to do in my life, ever, but it should be available to those who do want or need one. And from everything I've read and heard (I have a friend who just recently made the very difficult decision to get one), it NEVER feels like the easy way out. You feel thrown for finding out you are pregnant in the first place, and then selfish and guilty for needing to make that decision, and a lot of women say that even though it was hard, they know they made the right choice, which helps give them some peace. But it's not perfect. It's not something you do without caring about it just a little. I love that “trust women” phrase because I feel like it actually hits home–trust me that I am making the right decision for me and my body/life/health/family.
My friend decided to do it because she has a host of reproductive problems, a lot of scar tissue, and has been told many times that she's infertile. She was not supposed to be able to get pregnant. She is a smoker and routine social drinker. So when she finally realized she WAS pregnant, she'd been smoking and consuming alcohol for the better part of two months. And she wants to be a mom. But for her current age, and the fact that she doesn't know if she can carry to term, and that she's probably already hurt the fetus with the cigarettes and drinking, she made the call she felt like she needed to make. And it has been so hard on her. But she feels that she did the only loving thing she could for a child that probably would not have survived anyway.
Sorry I'm writing you a novel. I've gotten into several awkward facebook debates (red flag) recently and it's because I would post an article to one of the laws that is taking away a woman's right to whatever, and I would get a lot of support and then one buttface who is like ABORTION IS DESPICABLE AND I'M GLAD THEY'RE DOING THIS AND MURDER IS WRONG, ETC. And I keep having to be like… “People. I'm not here to debate with you on whether or not abortion is right or wrong. I posting this because this law is jeopardizing women's rights to their bodies and their health.” And the response is usually ABORTION IS STILL DESPICABLE AND I'M GLAD THEY'RE DOING THIS, ETC.
Time to step away from the computer, Emma. It's driving me nuts. For once I would just like to have an actual conversation with someone of different beliefs that didn't involve being hateful, creating sweeping generalizations, or ignoring the actual reason I posted an article. Sheesh.
I AGREE, its a choice. Men can leave. But once you give the government access to the choices about your body the access will become limitless. We as a nation can barely feed and clothe the needy. The same people who believe abortion shouldn't be an option are the same ones that want to eliminate welfare. But what will those who haven't gone to college, lack skills, lack work history… that is where they will end up. Broken dreams and broken people and a child who suffers.